I am not a social butterfly.  I am not the life of the party, the center of attention, or the girl who talks the most.

There is nothing wrong with being that type of person, not at all… it’s just not me.

I’m the type of person who sits back and watches.  I analyze people, read body language, and overthink situations.  I definitely socialize, but not to the degree where I am completely consumed by what’s happening that I’m not aware of my surroundings.

I want to say that recently I’ve been craving real, thoughtful conversations.  But let’s face it: I always crave deep conversations.  However, that’s what I feel like I’m specifically lacking in my life right now.  I don’t want the attention of everyone and having short, meaningless conversations.  I want the deep heart-wrenching, stomach-turning conversations that make you question life itself.  I want those conversations with both people I know and love and with new people who I’m learning new things about.

I feel like wanting those type of conversations honestly throws people sometimes.  People are not used to straight-up honesty and conversations that you make you really think deeply about specific topics.  They either don’t want to talk about these things, they don’t want to hear your opinions, or they just simply don’t know what to say.

Unfortunately, like a lot of us I’m sure… I’ve spent a lot of time with people who don’t value my opinion.  People who made me feel bad for the way I feel and even question it.  First off, why do those people treat people they supposedly care about that way?  And also… why do we let them?  I remember feeling so defeated when I would have these conversations and it would just explode in my face… to allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest with someone and they just don’t accept it.  Why?  Why would they be so awful and why do we let them have the privilege of being that important to us?  Well hear it from… don’t let them be important.

My mind has wandered a lot of places this year.  2020 has been life-changing.  I know we are under quarantine now, so it frees up a lot of others’ minds to just think freely as well.  The point I want to make is… Feel the way you want to feel.  Allow yourself to take a break from the repetitive, boring conversations and dig a little deeper.  Whether it be with yourself and paper, or amongst friends.  But be sure to step back and listen to others’ views too.  When we take the time to learn about others (and ourselves!!!), we must allow one another to be vulnerable.  We need less judgement in this world and more humility.